So much to say and so little time...

Well today is a big day.  We have signed our legal contract which makes me available to begin the medical part of this journey...I leave for LA again in 3 weeks.  I will meet my IP's face to face for the first time and be able to express all the love that I have for them and the hope that I feel beginning this process.  They are making a very long trip and they are putting their hopes and dreams on the line.  I am praying that everything will go as planned.

On another note, We are moving home to Amarillo.  We have been here in KS for 5 years and because of our desire to love a family through surrogacy, we are being asked to leave our Church.  I will be short as I tell you plainly my thoughts.  "God is good".  There is no law against love.  If there are any that say they have no sin they lie and the truth is not in them.  Our church body (with the exception of some dear friends) are  filled with hate toward homosexuals that they feel our even working alongside them is a sin.  Because they couldn't bear to see us love they are pushing us away.  I have felt anger and bitterness and sadness and abandonment but today God has delivered me.  Amen.  I have a peace that truly passes ALL of my own understanding and I have made the choice to forgive.  I will not waste even one more day thinking about the hurt I feel.  I will think about the love God feels for me.  I will not think about the betrayal I have felt but the betrayal Jesus felt and yet he died sinless for me.  I praise God that He has given me a heart that can embrace surrogacy.  He has given me compassion for a hurting and barren woman.  That is God's heart.  I now boldly walk in to this without fear.  He is with me.  He began a GOOD work in me and He is faithful to complete it....phew, that is alot.
Please stay tuned as there will be much excitement in the next month...Also pray for jobs for Shane and I...
Peace-

So, it's a go...

I spoke just a few days ago with my IP's...That's surro language for "Intended Parents".  They are Great.  Their language is very beautiful and I love to listen to them try and speak English.  I was brought to tears as I heard relief in their voices...Thankfulness that I was willing to help them.  I know now more than ever that I am doing what is right!!!  The egg donor is almost ready and then we will proceed once the IP's make their VERY long trip to LA.  I have a few medications I have to begin taking befor the transfer so It will likely be late May early June....I can wait although I would love to be pregnant NOW!!!!  It looks like this sweet "Surrobaby" will make his/her debut in March of '11.

I'd like to say some things about sacrifice...I have been asked by what seems to be 100 people this question "How are you going to be able to give up that baby?"  "Aren't you going to bond and get attatched?"  This is a legitimate question so let me answer with a simple, Maybe.  Shocked that I would say it?  I didn't get into surrogacy because I was heartless or have no feelings.  I love being pregnant and I LOVE babies.  I will love this baby.  I know, however, that this child is loved infinitely more by the loving and longing parents a sea away.  To think they have had a room, crib, names and plans for so long and no baby to love...
Sacrifice to me is this...to lay down my wants and desires for the sake of another.  I pray so desperately that God would show His goodness through me to my IP's.  I want them to feel the immeasurable love of our God.  He has chosen unconventional ways in the past...aka..MARY!!!  Hello.  This was the first "Assisted Pregnancy".  Think about it- God sent an angel to Mary and told her she would be impregnated by the Holy Spirit.  She would not have sex but God would put his love inside of her..Mary said yes. 

Now I am in no way comparing the two, I'm just trying to bring some light to the situation.  I know God sent Jesus to be the Savior of the world but it still required sacrifice on Mary and Joseph's part.  Mary and Joseph must have had to answer soooo many questions.  To bad she didn't have a printed T-shirt...something like: "My husband's not the father of this baby, God is".  HA!   The greatest sacrifice of all came for Mary much later though.  She was given a child to love and nurture (though it was 33 years) only to give Him up. 

God has a plan for this baby.  A plan to prosper and not to harm.  A hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11.  There have been moments of weakness for me in the past 2 weeks...I have allowed the opinions of others hurt my feelings but today is a new day.  I have heard from God.  I have made my decision with the full support of my loving husband and I cannot wait.  This sweet angel is already being loved by so many and I have the privilege to carry him or her.

Lighter note:  Help me come up with t-shirt ideas...

Some Unexpected Non-Support...

So most that know me know that I tend to be on the adventurous side...I go against the grain and the norm (especially the conservative norm). While I am this way I have generally been surrounded by many supportive people. These people have encouraged my creativity and boldness and been my fans in life. Recently I am finding that this is simply not the case with Surrogacy. Though many of my friends and family love me, there are some who are becoming standoffish and even distant and I am certain it is because of their concern for me..there are some, however that just think this whole thing is weird, unconventional and even WRONG!

I want to say to those that are this way that it is okay to ask questions..to be concerned. This is uncharted territory for many but let me put your mind at ease. I have prayed for and dreamed of this opportunity for almost 2 years. I am not unknowingly letting strangers place their baby inside me. I have weighed the pros and cons and to be honest I see no cons. Here is what I see:

A. A childless family has hope for a baby and they have just been given some of the greatest news of their lives.

B. An amazing chance for me to show generosity and love to a family I don't even know.

C. I have a chance to teach my children about selflessness.

D. I get to be pregnant again!!!! This is a dream of mine!! I get to do this but I don't have to bring a baby home...YAY!

E. I and my family will watch as God gives his gift of love through me to His children. What a pleasure to be His vessel.

I encourage those of you who are unsure to ask yourself why? Infertility is a sickness just like a cancer. There are options...choices. Chemo and radiation isn't for everyone. Some choose to change their diet or use stem cells or bone marrow or transplants. All of these are invasive but when it comes down to life and dreams people will not all choose the same course of action. Some infertile couples choose in-vitro, some adoption, others resign that they will never be parents. Many conservative Christians think that God made a couple infertile and doesn't want them to have a child so it is like playing God to give them one. Is it playing God if they adopt? They will still be raising a child. I choose to look at science as a gift. We are now given the chance to live with the common cold when just over 100 years ago men, women and children died from it. No one says we are playing God because we take an antibiotic to save our life. We can live with diabetes, allergies, brain disorders and so many other things. Please educate yourselves. I have and I am so excited to see how this miracle turns out.

To those of you that have supported me with your kind words, THANK YOU!!! It really means so much to know that you are out there:)

One final note...I meet my couple on Monday. They have been married for sometime and tried many options to no avail. They are thrilled to meet me on the phone and then in person in May when they come to the States. Did I mention they are from Norway???? This really is very exciting.

I've Been Matched

Today is a very exciting day!!!! I chose an international couple to work with a few days ago. I have had much time to think and pray and process and have been anxiously waiting to hear back and see if they approved my profile. I got the call just now that they loved me and are ready to get started. Because the woman is older they are using an experienced egg donor. She will be ready within the next 2 months for the transfer. HELLO!!!! Pregers in a matter of weeks.

Please pray for me, this couple and all of our families that the logistics would be smooth and that this process will be rewarding for us all. We should be meeting shortly. :)

Application, check. Records, check. LA, CHECK.

So, my journey began nearly 2 years ago. I was pregnant with our third baby, Halle, and a friend of mine unexpectedly lost her own little girl at 37 weeks. I was heartbroken as I raised our sweet daughter and watched her grieve for her own. A few months later I began to hear about surrogacy agencies. I filled out an application but because I lacked information I withdrew. Exactly one month ago yesterday I saw an advertisement online for "No Wait Surrogacy" and I knew this time I was informed and ready. I filled out my online application and within four days I received an e-mail saying I was approved. The next day I had a phone interview with Michelle (she is wonderful) and just like that I was on my way...All in one weeks time.

After our conversation it was up to me. I had to dig through my entire medical history and gather documents on any surgery, treatment or birth for pre-approval of Surrogacy insurance. I contacted all my physicians, signed release forms and waited. Within a week and a half I had all of the necessary documentation prepared and sent off. I was approved within a few days and Michelle and her team booked flights and a hotel for Shane and I to make our first trip out to LA.

What a whirlwind...While we were there I was psychologically screened by their professional and then I was sent to the Reproductive Specialist, Dr. Kolb. Everything was very straight forward...blood tests for Shane and I, a urine test from me and a trans vaginal Sono-gram to make sure these babies will take. That is where we are now. Waiting...

I am expecting to be fully cleared by the beginning of next week and have a profile of a couple in need in my inbox. Shane and I are thrilled and we both believe this is an amazing opportunity to show God's love to others. Until next week...