so much has changed...

I have been reading some of my earlier posts tonight and cannot believe how things seem to have changed..I went from hope and optomism, waiting for this journey to begin and now all my posts are strictly informative.  I am ashamed of myself!!  Today I am committing to find the joy and beauty in this journey..The bliss and amazement in nurturing two little loves.  How could I have forgotten that???  It was in the day to day.  The sickness, the fatigue and the pressure (placed on me by me) to keep these angels alive.  As I was re-reading I could remember the feelings of joy I once had. I would literally laugh out loud sometimes at the fact that I was actually chosen and got to do this..  I sit here tonight and I can feel these miracles moving in me.  I get to experience the joy of pregnancy and so many women do not get that.  I am choosing from this day on no matter how I feel to remember why I chose this journey, to help a couple desperate for a family.  I will remember that she would gladly take my place, the sickness and discomfort in a heartbeat so I am grateful.  I am now officially finished with my first trimester.  This is an amazing milestone in all pregnancies but it is huge in multiples.  These babies are gonna make it.  They have been so longed for and hoped for that they survived two surgeries and weeks of pain medicine and they will be born happy and whole.  I am so encouraged by those who read this blog, especially the other surro-mommies that leave helpful comments of support and advice.  I am so glad to know that while this is mostly an uncharted journey I am on, I am not alone.  I'm not entirely sure why I felt like writing this..I mean it is a blog.  More baby news to come soon.  Peace-

13.5 weeks

I went to my doctor visit yesterday and it was amazing.  I truly have the best doctor ever.  He is very caring and thoughtful, he laughs when I joke about myself and the interesting going ons of this pregnancy.  Pregnancy is so very different when you are carrying for someone else.  I just can't explain(though many have asked me to) how differently I feel about this pregnancy verses my own.  You may only know as you do it yourself and I hope some are inspired to get out there and do this...it is a very silent sadness these men and women bear alone and you may be the only person willing to step out there and make a difference for them.  It is a huge commitment I will say, but very rewarding....

So on to the beans...Yesterday was the first time I heard their little heartbeats.  I didn't get to see them this time but I am beginning to feel them which is even better.  The HB's were in the high 150-160's so it's anybodys guess what is growing on inside me.  I know there has to be at least one girl..I feel it;) I am scheduled for my next Dr.s appointment in two weeks and then a few days later I will have the genetic testing.  I am hoping that the blood wrk will be conclusive as it sometimes is not with twins (throws the numbers off).  If all looks good, the amnio will be averted but if there is any question...I shiver at the thought.  I have never had any genetic testing for my kids so I never had an amnio.  Because there are two sacs that means two sticks..with a huge needle...in. my. stomach...Fingers crossed we don't have to go there.

As for me I am doing well as I approach the end of my first trimester.  The kidney stone is dormant and the fatigue is beginning to weign a bit.  I am looking forward to an amzing fall.  This weekend we are heading to a big pumkin patch with the kiddies so it's official, Holiday season is upon us.  Before I know it it will be Valentine's day and I will be rolling instead of walking.  I can't wait.  The journey is fun but in the end is the great reward...Peace