Yesterday someone made a comment that was quite bothersome to me..it was my dad..he said that he thinks I chose to become a surrogate for all of the attention I received for it and that if I was truly all about creating a family for someone I wouldn't need to post pictures about my journey or keep a blog. His words cut me like a knife because while I did enjoy our journey it was most certainly not attention that was my motivation...I posted pictures of my pregnant self, the babies and my IP's because I wanted to show the world what I was doing with my life. I challenged my dad by recalling all of the times he put my achievements in our local newspaper...Did he want attention or was he just a proud father? I personally believe it was the latter and had technology been back then what it is today, I believe pictures of me and my sister winning volleyball championships would have been scattered all across his facebook wall. Tonight a fellow surrogate friend posted this on my wall and it put in perspective my actions: "When I write a check to a cause I support or volunteer, I do it because it makes me feel good and it's supporting a good cause. My friends who do the 3-day breast cancer walk post all kinds of crazy pictures of the walk and the fun they had..., all decked out in pink boas and hats and tutus. They post the pictures to show how much fun it was, to bring awareness to the good cause, and hopefully recruit more people into doing it next year. And because they're proud of the accomplishment they've made in completing the event. How is that any different from what we've done. None of us would do this if it were terrible and made us feel like crap about ourselves! Of course, we do it for us!
Yeah, it's for us, but the parents get a hell of a lot out of it, too. In fact, my IPs don't understand that it is for me as much as it is for them." How true her words are. Yes..I did surrogacy because it felt good!!! I liked it!!! Wow, I feel better. For some of you this may not make sense but I did not do it for you--I wanted to know that a family was created because of me..I am forever changed as are my IP's and for that I will not apologize. Daddy-hang on tight because more pics will come and I will post and brag forever of the two precious babies who live an ocean away!!
Good for you! I agree - I think most surrogates become surrogates because of their own desires - you want to help someone else but it makes YOU feel good to do so! Many will not understand why we do what we do or why we post what we post - for me I love keeping a blog so I have a record to look back on over the years. It is a very special memento to me! :)
ReplyDeleteThere are so many things I do in life that have enjoyment as a by product, but that is not my sole reason for doing them. The fact that you got something out of this too is nothing to be worried about.
ReplyDeleteIt is the comments of family that cut the deepest, especially when they are so untrue. Sadly, for many of us, our families just don't get it. Hold your head high and post your pics. This is your blog and your life.
ReplyDeleteI agree, why shouldn't we share all the cool things we do and be proud of these accomplishments? Just as we share the cool pics and awards of our children, we should be proud of OURSELVES as well.
ReplyDeleteI told the shrinks this during my psych eval - that my motivation wasn't completely unselfish, because I knew doing this awesome thing would make me feel good.
ReplyDeleteAnd they still let me be a surrogate, so we must not be too crazy, ha!
Seriously, though, my biggest reason for blogging my surro journey (and separately from my other blog) was in hopes of showing other people what it's really like, and maybe inspiring someone or being a resource for someone getting started in the process.