23 weeks and counting

It seems as though I am always beginning my posts with "Sorry it has been so long" but it's true.  I am feeling okay these days.  Some days are better than others.  Some nights I actually sleep all night, others not so much.  The babies have officially taken over my body..Thwy continue to grow and are side by side now.  The girl is on my right head down (feet in ribs) and the boy is feet down (head in ribs)..  My doc looked today and said things so far look A-O-K for a vaginal delivery.  Phew, big relief.  I am finished with school for the semester and trying to enjoy Chistmas break.  It'll be New Years, then Valentine's then Easter and the babies will be here.  Not that far away when you think about it like that.  The heart beats are strong and the movement is steady so everything is perfect.  I'll post a pic of my rapidly growing self:)

Merry Christmas-Melissa

Pics of the babies @ 20 weeks

Baby Girl

Definitly a she!

Baby Boy

Pretty clear:)

And the Genders are...

It's my pleasure to announce that I am carrying a baby boy and baby girl...I went today for my 20 week u/s fingers crossed that this would be the result (obviously my pet names have proven that I had a hunch).  I cried as I saw first baby A-girl.  Four perfect heart chambers.  A beautiful left and right brain, perfect spine and then...3 bright white lines between the legs (indicative of a girl).  Then the u/s tech moved to the top of my belly, I saw all the same things and stared in utter amazement of what had been occoring within me..Then she said Baby b-boy!  I felt a tear roll down my face.  Please don't get all worried..I cried because this about sums up this journey for me..Utter perfection.  The transfer went perfectly, then there were two precious babies, I avoided the dreaded amnio, no genetic abnormalities were detected and now this A perfect pair-brother and sister.  Could there be a more storybook outcome.  It is worth it.  These two will always know eachothers companionship and will be nurtured and love fiercly by their mom and dad.  Well, I really have nothing else to say.  I am so happy..on a cloud really today.  Perfection is possible...hopeful parents really can say "it is worth it".  I am one proud surrogate today and cannot wait to see these two angels come into the world.  E &S-Congratulations..You deserve every ounce of happiness you feel today:)

Melissa

Ok, I feel you already:)

So these babies are growing by the day.  Yesterday my ticker said they were 10 inches long, today 10 and1/2.  It has really started to sink in that these babies are going to get quite alot bigger and to accomodate, so will I!  I am ready and willing to embrace this although I already feel about 7 months along.  I ran into several people today that so encouraged me.  An old friend, an elderly couple I used to attend church with as a child and several others.  There have been so many days in the previous months where I felt all alone in this journey and then yesterday I realized that simply was not the case.  Yes there were thos in a plcae I'll not mention, that were so incredibly cruel and lacked understanding and care...I cynically assumed that was the opinion of the whole Christian community or at least a majority of it.  Wow, have I been proven wrong.  Not only is that not true it is false.  Most of you that live and breathe are so supportive.  You have touched me with your questions and excitement.  I get so used to this miracle but those who see me infrequently remind me just how amazing these little lives are.  SO thank you for helping me to forgive those who have intended harm to me and my family.  Thank you for saying kind words instead of ridiculuing me or this family.  The mom and dad of these angels are waiting anxiously for the healthy delivery of their new lives.  You are making it possible for me to believe again.  To speak boldly about my choice to act as a surrogate mother and not defend it.  I am so thankful for all that has transpired in the last 8 months.  Without it, I would be the same person...I wouldn't have grown as a woman, began school, met new friends andbeen united with old ones.  I wouldn't get to be fully myself and now I can do it all.  I am relishing tonight in my life-thanks for reading:)
PS-Finding out the genders on the 24th....

the results are in...

SO, I and my IP's have waited very patiently for 2 whole weeks to get the results back from the quad screening that tests for genetic abnormalities like Downs Syndrome and Spina Bifida...Well, it was worth the wait to get the good news call from the doctor today.  Normal range for two babies is 2.0.  Anything higher is considered reason for further testing aka, AMNIO X 2..My results were well under at 1.4 and that means my doctor sees no reason to proceed with a risky procedure and believes everything to be completely normal.  I have no words.  I have been carrying around alot of unspoken worry about this test and I feel a huge weight has been lifted.  As for me the changes are becoming significant, FINALLY.  It is now apparant to almost all that I am indeed pregs.  I do not however look like I am carrying twins yet.  I am not sure when the huge growth spurt takes place but I look the same as I did when I was pregnant with only one.  I feel them kicking now pretty much all the time.  It is amazing too.  The baby on the right has been virtually inactive until this week and now he/she is kicking more than the baby on the left.  Like most babies, they get really active at night.  When gravity is relieved they move up to the center of my belly and it looks like an alien invasion.  I get a really huge lump and their kicking is much more pronounced.  The heartbeats have been in the 150's for the last month  so if I was a bettin' woman, It looks like maybe two darling sons for E & S.  I can't wait to see what is going to come out of me in 18-19 short weeks...I am now half way (to 36 weeks).  I eat about 3 times what I used to eat.  I almost never feel full and feel hungry within the next 2 hours.  I have gained 10lbs so far and am expected to gain 45 in all.  Holy moly.  I'm not sure that is something I am ready for.  Hello Coco butter:)  Well hopefully someone is still reading.  I have had so many exams and school assignments I just haven't had time to write.  The semester is almost over and proudly, I am sporting a 4.0.  Thanks for reading and supporting me.  I am encouraged by every comment and reader...Peace and baby dust to those hoping-
Melissa

so much has changed...

I have been reading some of my earlier posts tonight and cannot believe how things seem to have changed..I went from hope and optomism, waiting for this journey to begin and now all my posts are strictly informative.  I am ashamed of myself!!  Today I am committing to find the joy and beauty in this journey..The bliss and amazement in nurturing two little loves.  How could I have forgotten that???  It was in the day to day.  The sickness, the fatigue and the pressure (placed on me by me) to keep these angels alive.  As I was re-reading I could remember the feelings of joy I once had. I would literally laugh out loud sometimes at the fact that I was actually chosen and got to do this..  I sit here tonight and I can feel these miracles moving in me.  I get to experience the joy of pregnancy and so many women do not get that.  I am choosing from this day on no matter how I feel to remember why I chose this journey, to help a couple desperate for a family.  I will remember that she would gladly take my place, the sickness and discomfort in a heartbeat so I am grateful.  I am now officially finished with my first trimester.  This is an amazing milestone in all pregnancies but it is huge in multiples.  These babies are gonna make it.  They have been so longed for and hoped for that they survived two surgeries and weeks of pain medicine and they will be born happy and whole.  I am so encouraged by those who read this blog, especially the other surro-mommies that leave helpful comments of support and advice.  I am so glad to know that while this is mostly an uncharted journey I am on, I am not alone.  I'm not entirely sure why I felt like writing this..I mean it is a blog.  More baby news to come soon.  Peace-

13.5 weeks

I went to my doctor visit yesterday and it was amazing.  I truly have the best doctor ever.  He is very caring and thoughtful, he laughs when I joke about myself and the interesting going ons of this pregnancy.  Pregnancy is so very different when you are carrying for someone else.  I just can't explain(though many have asked me to) how differently I feel about this pregnancy verses my own.  You may only know as you do it yourself and I hope some are inspired to get out there and do this...it is a very silent sadness these men and women bear alone and you may be the only person willing to step out there and make a difference for them.  It is a huge commitment I will say, but very rewarding....

So on to the beans...Yesterday was the first time I heard their little heartbeats.  I didn't get to see them this time but I am beginning to feel them which is even better.  The HB's were in the high 150-160's so it's anybodys guess what is growing on inside me.  I know there has to be at least one girl..I feel it;) I am scheduled for my next Dr.s appointment in two weeks and then a few days later I will have the genetic testing.  I am hoping that the blood wrk will be conclusive as it sometimes is not with twins (throws the numbers off).  If all looks good, the amnio will be averted but if there is any question...I shiver at the thought.  I have never had any genetic testing for my kids so I never had an amnio.  Because there are two sacs that means two sticks..with a huge needle...in. my. stomach...Fingers crossed we don't have to go there.

As for me I am doing well as I approach the end of my first trimester.  The kidney stone is dormant and the fatigue is beginning to weign a bit.  I am looking forward to an amzing fall.  This weekend we are heading to a big pumkin patch with the kiddies so it's official, Holiday season is upon us.  Before I know it it will be Valentine's day and I will be rolling instead of walking.  I can't wait.  The journey is fun but in the end is the great reward...Peace

Bouncing Babies

We had an ultra sound and saw the babies bouncing all around.  I feel them now...not always but they are there moving and it is fascinating.  I am very tired but beginning to regain some energy.  Not much to update other than that.  They have feet and hands and look like babies now not peanuts or aliens.  I am gaining everyday and I'm wondering just how big these babies are going to be.  In just 2 months maybe less we will be able to see what sex they are.  I know my ip's are excited.  As for me, I feel okay.  It is getting harder for me to run and play with my kids but it is just temporary.  They know mommy is growing a family for two special people.  They are very understanding when I have to sit down in the middle of soccer or lay in their beds instead of play in their rooms...I am thankful for this experience and tell myself that no matter if my days are amazing or tough, I chose this for great reasons..I want to do this and I will regain my non hormonal, emotional self soon after delivery.  I am just wanting to enjoy every step and be honest with myself when things are a little bit tough...here is to making it to the 2nd trimester!!!  That is a big hurdle and I am so thankful we made it:)

Me and my gang:)

It's been a LONG time...

Sorry to those of you who faithfully read my blog...especially you E &S.  I have been so very under the weather with these kidney stones.  I landed back in the hospital with a serious infection (due to these things) and was there for the better part of a week.  I am feeling okay for now.  I am trying to stay positive and healthy for "Luke" and "Leia" so here is hoping for a better week ahead.  I saw my OB for the first time this week and he and his Nurse Practitioner are both wonderful.  They have alot of questions about surrogacy but they are eager to treat me and these babies and seem to be as excited as I am. It is starting to become aparant to many that there are indeed TWO babies on board this ship:)  I am not growing as rapidly as I anticipated simply because I have been sick but after every meal...THERE. THEY. ARE!!!  Sticking out for the world to see.  I am in need of a t-shirt already that says "I am not the Mommy, just the Stork" or "These are not my husbands babies...don't worry they're not mine either"...or something clever.  Let me know suggestions because I am getting the "Oh, honey two more???  You're gonna have your hands full"  I know I am not so I would just like a shirt that will do the explaining for me:)

I am 11 weeks on monday which means only one more week of shots and hormones that make me feel bonkers and then it's just pregnancy as usual.  I could be wrong but I think I am starting to feel a slight hint of movement...could just be that my uterus is 2 times as big as it ever was with my kiddies but still, there is definately something going on.  In a few weeks I will be feeling them all the time.  E & S, I think of you every time...I wish so badly you were here to feel my belly and talk to your babies.  We'll have to figure out a way to do that once they can actually hear!
For now it is school and homework and kids and their homework and baths and books and bedtime and on and on...I so love my life.  I am blessed that this torrid and painful time in my life has been touched with love and hope for two precious lives...
Thanks for reading, xoxo

Oh...It was Kidney Stones!!!

Holy cow, I am growing weary of the unexpected...It turns out that all of the cramping and light bleeding weeks ago was not from the babies after all...well not directly:)  I have had Kidney stones for the last 3 1/2 weeks that have caused major discomfort that I mistakenly associated to the uterus.  This past wednesday, during class, I felt extremely faint and sick.  I left class and headed to the E.R. I told them I had kidney pain and was miserable and they believed me.  They did a urine test and found alot of red blood cells and they followed up with an ultra-sound of the kidney and bladder...They saw two stones in the kidney and believed there was a large stone in the ureter.  The docs were unsure as to how to proceed because I am so newly pregnant.  They put me on fluids overnight and decided to do surgery after a while.  The procedure revealed a large stone that had to be laser blasted and removed from the tube.  All I can say is ouch!!!  OUch, ouch, ouch!  A stent was placed and I am on pain meds to help aleviate the bladder apsms and pain in the Kidney. 

The babies were monitored throughout and so far they are unscathed by the whole thing.  I have another ultra sound tomorrow, if I can make it.  Stones may be small but thyey are mighty!  I feel worse now than after delivery.  I am crossing my fingers that the stent will be removed and the other stones will pass...I'll let you all know what I find out tomorrow...These sweeties are now 9 weeks.  Times is flying and in no time they'll be flying...on a plane...Home:)

It's been a long time...

So sorry for those of you that follow my blog..I have not been posting due to recent events in my life.  One of my very best friends lost her battle with brain cancer on Saturday and then my husbands grandfather lost his battle to cancer on sunday.  Needless to say it has been an emotionally trying week.  I was priveleged today to go and sing for Kaci's funeral.  It was a true and beautiful tribute to her life.  She will be deeply missed by her family, husband and 3 children.

Nothing much has been going on as far as the pregnancy goes.  I am starting to really get a pudge and I just hit the 8 week mark.  I am hoping for an uneventful next few weeks.  I get to see these little ones again on friday so I hope to get another picture to show.  As any mom knows the first trimester can be a scary one.  Any and every little pain causes some slight anxiety..I can't imagine how my IP'sare feeling..  Looking forward to reassurance on Friday.

My babies and surrobabies this week!

Here are some pics of my kiddos from their first day of school today and here are "Luke and Leia"  Sweet surrobabies taken last week.  Nothing to update other that exhaustion...and food aversions.  Otherwise, I am well and very eager to have news of movement and other lovlieness coming soon:)

6 week sono...Names announced:)

A little scre..trip to the ER and...(read below for exciting news)

So,

I woke up this morning stressed due to one of my friends battle with cancer.  I have been uncomfortable and not sleeping well at all...then today around 11:30 am, i went to the lu and there before me was bright pink spotting...i was (am) cramping and I freaked...I just knew something was wrong.

Shane took me to the ER and after a whole day of crying, waiting and checking for more spotting the doc finally came in.  Everyone was asking "when was your last period???  Your how far along??/  "I;m a surrogate, My period was like 4 months ago...the transfer was the 25th.....they were all really supportive and hopeful that things were progressing and this was a normal bump in the road...I had some blood drawn and then the ultrasound lady came in...Finally, I would know...I held my breath hoping to hear "everythings fine" ( I forgot I was waiting to see how many beans were inside), when she said....Look, there THEY are...2 perfect little babies!!!! 

I turned to Shane, "See, I told you...then to the tech, "I knew it all along, I have said it from the beginning there were two".  She smiled and I cried as I thought of the birth to come...E(my IM) will be so happy to have her arms full and her heart overflowing on that day...

So as of this moment I a relieved.  I a joyful and blessed to get to take two little love bugs through this first journey of life and place them into their loving mommy and daddy's arms. 

Two 2 love:)  Oh my..

On a side note, I am taking donations of bio-oil and coca butter...

663???

So my doctor and Case manager called yesterday to let me know I am pregs...O really, I had no idea:)  Not sure what's goin' on but they all said dear, you're high...TWINS high!!!!  The normal range for a singleton preg at my stage is between 100-200 and I was 663...I have blood work on friday and we will see just how high I am climbing.  I have started on injectable progesterone daily and will be on estrogen injections every 3 days.  I guess we will have to wait and see for now.  I am scheduled for an ultra sound on the 20th of this month and that should clearly show us just how many we have in there...

As for me I am happy.  I feel fulfilled knowing i am making a difference in someone else's life.  My IM called today in tears...She still doesn't want to get her hopes up.  Everything has gone wrong for her so she still expects the ball to drop soon.  I hope she will relax into all of this and be able to enjoy the experience.  I cannot imagine how she must feel.  I was anxious as I carried my own children, but I don't think I could have ever entrusted my child's life to someone else...hoping and praying she takes care of her self and my baby.  She is an amazing mommy.

Thanks for reading...on a side note, one of my dearest friends is still fighting cancer.  Please visit her sight and pray:theronnes.blogspot.com

Melissa

Holy Cow, I'm tired

Woah, i am TIRED.....Today I am considered 4 wks 2 days..weird, since It's it's only been two weeks.  I feel normal but so exhausted.  i had my beta today and I am awaiting the results.  I fully expect a call saying Melissa dear, there are 8..you are octo-mom 2...I was in bed at 7:30 last night so it has begun.  no nausea or fainting so I'm thinking this will be like all of my pregnancies, Easy.  Thanks for reading...i'll let you know who all is swiming around in my Uterus as soon as I know:)

Positive(ly) Pregnant!!!

Well i did not expect to be posting this news so soon but...I am Pregnant.  I woke up this morning with this feeling..You who have been pregnant know the one..I just felt that if I took the test it would be 100% accurate.  So me and my very full of concentrated hcg urine bladder, went downstairs to POAS:) Literally in seconds there were two lines.  My eyes filled with tears .  I was still sleepy so I rubbed my eyes and looked again and it was darker.  There it was the plus sign that will make dreams come true!

I called Shane and then my mom, of course..I was screaming "They're gonna have their baby...We did it..I'm Pregnant".  Shane was so excited as was my mom...She was relieved it was good news since it was just 8 am.  I made some breakfast, kissed my kids with the biggest sense appreceation for their lives, and called Norways expectant parents to give them to good news.

There is a smidge of a language barrier but "I'm Pregnant, You're gonna be a Mommy" came through loud and clear.  She sighed a relieving sigh almost to say, finally...and then she squealled as she hollered to her husband in the yard. 

So far this is the most amazing day in a long time.  So gratifying.  So beautiful.  We did it..Here's to growing this into a big, beautiful baby:) 

On a side note:  It is kind of early to get a Positive test, hoping there aren't quintuplets in there...Seriously:)))

Kisses to the little peanut..

6 days down 7 to go...

Well as you know This past Sunday I had my Embryo Transfer and things went very smoothly.  The Dr. said it was so easy and he fully expects a "Positive" outcome.  I have been so careful this week but today I finally feel like just letting go and resuming my normal life.  It has been all consuming for me but today I am deciding to let nature take it's natural course and let this baby do what it will. 

I have been told on several occasions what a lovely uterus and endometrium I have so my question is who wouldn't want to live there????  I am believing that he/she has grabbed hold and is rapidly groeing and I will feeling the pangs of pregnancy soon...

As of today I have felt a little woosy and mainly tired with sore swolen breasts...I would know because I have virtually nothing!!!  I am hoping these are signs of the changes (however small) taking place within.

Thank you for those that support me with your kind words and comments bith here and in 'Real Life":)
One week from today I will know and E & S will have their lives changed forever.  The mere thought of  telling them brings tears to my eyes.  I walked through the infant section today thinking how great it will feel for E & S to walk down that aisle with good tears instead of painful ones..with hope and joy instead of sadness and emptiness..

No matter what I am so glad I chose to do this..My heart is abounding in love for 3 (maybe 4) people I don't even know.  Isn't that the point of life..To love not hate...To give unselfishly..To help and not harm...

Just reflections during my 2ww (not 2world war...2 week wait)..I didn't know either.  Oh and if ever i use "POAS" that means pee on a stick..so many things i'm learning...

Baby Dust to me and all the others trying to conceive through assisted Reproduction..What a journey.

The Transfer

Well if you have been following my blog you are aware that I am in LA fot the transfer...Here is what happened:

I came to LA yesterday walked all over Pasadena (Beautiful by the way) and rested for the big day ahead.....that is still ahead.

I walked about 8 blocks to HRC (my dr's office)...sat half naked in his sterile chair and listed to his quite diverse musical selections on his ipod...in came the embryologist (he makes the babies) to give me a picture of the cute little things.  You know the Charlie Brown show the scribbles that came up when linus talked???That is what the embryos look like this morning...

Back to the point::  Next came my Dr to ask me how many we were transfering...HELLO!!!!!  We mighta should maybe already asked that question...og the PARENTS..  Doesn't he remember I am not the Momma!  Just letting these sweeties cook.  So the calling began and all involved have decided to transfer 2 Blastocysts (that is 3 days more advanced embryos) on Sunday morning.  By then our percentages of achieving a pregnancy go way way up. 

For me and for them it is worth the wait.  I want this to take and have a great outcome for these sweet parents.  They have waited so long to take such a gamble.

While I was initially frustrated, my dissapointment quickly dissapated as I looked around at beautiful Pasadena.  At about 9:15 this morning instead of heading to bed rest I headed to an out door area called Paseo Colorado.  The wather was a sunny 80 degrees and I was so eager for a stroll down fashion and eclectic eatery row.  I have a beautiful day planned at the beach tomorrow, sad I know, and then should be fully ready to receive these wonderful lives.  I am believing that this was all part of the plan.  I was so nervos and tired but after today and tomorrow, I will be calm and ready.  I am already so in love with the idea of this baby(ies),,,I cried looking at their picture.  They are people...God has a plan for whatever life may come forth...He is orchestrating this for His Glory..In time we will know.

So for now thanks for reading,  Thanks for your comments, they mean alot.  Fingers crossed that on Sunday a life will begin...

baby dust:)

Transfer Confirmed.

Today I got the call I have been waiting 8 months for...Transfer will be in Pasadena at 8:15 am Friday.  Wow...I am overwhelmed by it all.  I have asked every question imaginable and now I just have to breathe.  I am thinking of doing a juice cleanse just to rid my body of any toxins and make my uterus a "green zone" for this little embryo:)  So an update:

My estrogen was not fully compensating for the lupron shutting down my ovaries so I am not on an injectable estrogen every 3 days (inta-muscular)  not too bad as i have an aunt that is a nurse and does them for me..

egg donor was not ready for retreival today so it was pushed to Tuesday.  That means for me:

Monday: last screening for lining thickness, last lupron injection.

Tuesday: begin Progesterone support via vaginal suppository

Wednesday: begin 3 X daily vaginal suppository and 3X daily progesterone lozenge.  Also I start a steroid to help my body not to attack the pregnancy to come.

And that is that.  I will be on these meds until the 12 week so here we go...

please if you think about it, remember the ip's who are so anxious and waiting in Norway.  They will not be here for the transfer.  I am hoping for a wonderful and healthy pregnancy and a peaceful trip to la. 

I will be on bed rest for 2 days...Good thing I have all six seasons of Sex and The city...

Thanks to all who read..

Baby dust....

Estrogen sweet estrogen...

Tomorrow is my screening.  I am hoping to hear that my estrogen is high enough to start progesterone and get this Uterus thickening show on the road...I want to be optomistic although I have heard about many failed transfers lately...I am believing that my posture and attitude will contribute greatly to the success of the transfer.  I have my fingers and fallopian tubes crossed.  Hope you do too:)

will it EVER happen????

So close, yet so far away.  I was supposed to be heading out to LA this week, but the egg donor started her medication just a little later than i did and is not quite ready for the retrieval.  So we wait, and get shots for another week.  I heard from my IP's and they were so sweet, asking how I was with the meds and the upcoming transfer..for the first time there was hope in their voices.

I have been waiting for 7 months, but they have been waiting for nearly 11 years.  What's another week, eh??  Thanks for following.  Hoping to post pics soon.

Baby dust....

Melissa

T-minus 16 days till transfer...and my belly is sore:)

Sorry for the long intermission in postings.  We have been on the transition path from Hugoton to Amarillo and now to our own home.  All the while I have been anticipating the implantation of the belly bean.  I'll update what I have been doing the last two weeks and let you know the schedule...

June 14th- Started Lupron injections in the tummy once a day.
June 24th- reduced Lupron from 10cc to 5cc and started estrogen support via Capsule(twice daily) and Vivelle patch every 3 days.  Also on a Vegetarian prenatal supplement, folate and Dha regimen.  My hair has grown an inch in a week!  Awesome!!!

I continue this routine until
July 7th- I will come off of the Lupron, stay on the estrogen and supplements and begin a progesterone regimen. (suppositories and lozenges).  Then on the twelfth I fly to LA to have my last ultrasound(I have had one every week to check my lining)...Then If all is okay..the 15th is BABY DAY!!!  I will rest in a luxurious hotel for two days with room service and books and pray that this belly bean holds on for the greatest ride ever.

Please pray for strength and hope for me and my family.  I began a full time job after being home for 7 years...My kids miss me already after only 1 month.  Pray for E & S (ip's names) that they will rest easy and trust that this time it's gonna work. 

Thanks for following.  I am so excited to share this with you!

Baby Dust......

Melissa

Bring on the Lupron...and other various hormones:)

I realize it has been a month since I last posted, not because I forgot but really there has been no change in my status...Checking this, finalizing that.  But today things begin..REALLY this time!!!  I start injecting 10ccs of Lupron nightly into my stomach to ensure my uterus thickens adequately and I have scheduled sonos every week for a month to check the progress.  In the next few days I come off of the pill and start Estrogen and prenatals, to be followed with a veritable spattering of other hormones.  Cross your fingers that I don't go crazy....or should I say any more crazy!   E & S are very excited as they wait out the next month.  By this time 3 1/2 weeks from now I should be good and pregnant.  I will post pics when I can and maybe even a video of the shots:) 

Thanks for reading,

Melissa

They flew all the way from Norway to see my little uterus:)

So,

Shane and I flew to Cali on Wednesday to meet the IP's.  Let me tell you we were sooo nervous.  Here we were about to meet the family we had only seen in a photograph...What would they really look like?  How would we communicate?  What were their expectations of me?  Well let's you and me both sigh a great sigh of relief...ahhhh.  It was wonderful.  They were beautiful people.  Very stylish and learned.  The IM spoke perfect English while the ID only understood it.  We met at a quite little Pasadena restaurant and talked about all of our hopes and dreams for this surrogacy and for life in general.

Hearing about fertility trouble via e-mail is one thing, but sitting side by side with a woman who is virtually gripped with fear and doubt of another failed attempt is quite another.  I  tried to speak with such positivity and calm.  I assured her that we were all in and will do nothing short of seeing her with her dream in her arms.  It is a beautiful thing to watch a doubting and seemingly broken woman perk up and begin to anticipate the possibility of what lies ahead.  I for one and stoked.

So what is next???  Many of you have commented and messaged me about our next step in this surrogacy and I will tell you we could be getting VERY close to transfer.  I am on active pills of BC only and will begin hormones ASAP.  I have a wonderful doctor and he only uses oral steroids as well as suppositories.  Beats taking shots for the next 4 months.  The egg donor has been confirmed, screened and deemed ready to proceed.  I will update when anything begins to take place.  Thanks for reading and really supporting me.  There are so many that just have no idea of the pain of infertility and are so quick to pass judgment.  I am really hoping to shine a positive light on this issue and see that more families achieve their dreams of having a baby of their very own.  Love and baby dust.....

Melissa

So much to say and so little time...

Well today is a big day.  We have signed our legal contract which makes me available to begin the medical part of this journey...I leave for LA again in 3 weeks.  I will meet my IP's face to face for the first time and be able to express all the love that I have for them and the hope that I feel beginning this process.  They are making a very long trip and they are putting their hopes and dreams on the line.  I am praying that everything will go as planned.

On another note, We are moving home to Amarillo.  We have been here in KS for 5 years and because of our desire to love a family through surrogacy, we are being asked to leave our Church.  I will be short as I tell you plainly my thoughts.  "God is good".  There is no law against love.  If there are any that say they have no sin they lie and the truth is not in them.  Our church body (with the exception of some dear friends) are  filled with hate toward homosexuals that they feel our even working alongside them is a sin.  Because they couldn't bear to see us love they are pushing us away.  I have felt anger and bitterness and sadness and abandonment but today God has delivered me.  Amen.  I have a peace that truly passes ALL of my own understanding and I have made the choice to forgive.  I will not waste even one more day thinking about the hurt I feel.  I will think about the love God feels for me.  I will not think about the betrayal I have felt but the betrayal Jesus felt and yet he died sinless for me.  I praise God that He has given me a heart that can embrace surrogacy.  He has given me compassion for a hurting and barren woman.  That is God's heart.  I now boldly walk in to this without fear.  He is with me.  He began a GOOD work in me and He is faithful to complete it....phew, that is alot.
Please stay tuned as there will be much excitement in the next month...Also pray for jobs for Shane and I...
Peace-

So, it's a go...

I spoke just a few days ago with my IP's...That's surro language for "Intended Parents".  They are Great.  Their language is very beautiful and I love to listen to them try and speak English.  I was brought to tears as I heard relief in their voices...Thankfulness that I was willing to help them.  I know now more than ever that I am doing what is right!!!  The egg donor is almost ready and then we will proceed once the IP's make their VERY long trip to LA.  I have a few medications I have to begin taking befor the transfer so It will likely be late May early June....I can wait although I would love to be pregnant NOW!!!!  It looks like this sweet "Surrobaby" will make his/her debut in March of '11.

I'd like to say some things about sacrifice...I have been asked by what seems to be 100 people this question "How are you going to be able to give up that baby?"  "Aren't you going to bond and get attatched?"  This is a legitimate question so let me answer with a simple, Maybe.  Shocked that I would say it?  I didn't get into surrogacy because I was heartless or have no feelings.  I love being pregnant and I LOVE babies.  I will love this baby.  I know, however, that this child is loved infinitely more by the loving and longing parents a sea away.  To think they have had a room, crib, names and plans for so long and no baby to love...
Sacrifice to me is this...to lay down my wants and desires for the sake of another.  I pray so desperately that God would show His goodness through me to my IP's.  I want them to feel the immeasurable love of our God.  He has chosen unconventional ways in the past...aka..MARY!!!  Hello.  This was the first "Assisted Pregnancy".  Think about it- God sent an angel to Mary and told her she would be impregnated by the Holy Spirit.  She would not have sex but God would put his love inside of her..Mary said yes. 

Now I am in no way comparing the two, I'm just trying to bring some light to the situation.  I know God sent Jesus to be the Savior of the world but it still required sacrifice on Mary and Joseph's part.  Mary and Joseph must have had to answer soooo many questions.  To bad she didn't have a printed T-shirt...something like: "My husband's not the father of this baby, God is".  HA!   The greatest sacrifice of all came for Mary much later though.  She was given a child to love and nurture (though it was 33 years) only to give Him up. 

God has a plan for this baby.  A plan to prosper and not to harm.  A hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11.  There have been moments of weakness for me in the past 2 weeks...I have allowed the opinions of others hurt my feelings but today is a new day.  I have heard from God.  I have made my decision with the full support of my loving husband and I cannot wait.  This sweet angel is already being loved by so many and I have the privilege to carry him or her.

Lighter note:  Help me come up with t-shirt ideas...

Some Unexpected Non-Support...

So most that know me know that I tend to be on the adventurous side...I go against the grain and the norm (especially the conservative norm). While I am this way I have generally been surrounded by many supportive people. These people have encouraged my creativity and boldness and been my fans in life. Recently I am finding that this is simply not the case with Surrogacy. Though many of my friends and family love me, there are some who are becoming standoffish and even distant and I am certain it is because of their concern for me..there are some, however that just think this whole thing is weird, unconventional and even WRONG!

I want to say to those that are this way that it is okay to ask questions..to be concerned. This is uncharted territory for many but let me put your mind at ease. I have prayed for and dreamed of this opportunity for almost 2 years. I am not unknowingly letting strangers place their baby inside me. I have weighed the pros and cons and to be honest I see no cons. Here is what I see:

A. A childless family has hope for a baby and they have just been given some of the greatest news of their lives.

B. An amazing chance for me to show generosity and love to a family I don't even know.

C. I have a chance to teach my children about selflessness.

D. I get to be pregnant again!!!! This is a dream of mine!! I get to do this but I don't have to bring a baby home...YAY!

E. I and my family will watch as God gives his gift of love through me to His children. What a pleasure to be His vessel.

I encourage those of you who are unsure to ask yourself why? Infertility is a sickness just like a cancer. There are options...choices. Chemo and radiation isn't for everyone. Some choose to change their diet or use stem cells or bone marrow or transplants. All of these are invasive but when it comes down to life and dreams people will not all choose the same course of action. Some infertile couples choose in-vitro, some adoption, others resign that they will never be parents. Many conservative Christians think that God made a couple infertile and doesn't want them to have a child so it is like playing God to give them one. Is it playing God if they adopt? They will still be raising a child. I choose to look at science as a gift. We are now given the chance to live with the common cold when just over 100 years ago men, women and children died from it. No one says we are playing God because we take an antibiotic to save our life. We can live with diabetes, allergies, brain disorders and so many other things. Please educate yourselves. I have and I am so excited to see how this miracle turns out.

To those of you that have supported me with your kind words, THANK YOU!!! It really means so much to know that you are out there:)

One final note...I meet my couple on Monday. They have been married for sometime and tried many options to no avail. They are thrilled to meet me on the phone and then in person in May when they come to the States. Did I mention they are from Norway???? This really is very exciting.

I've Been Matched

Today is a very exciting day!!!! I chose an international couple to work with a few days ago. I have had much time to think and pray and process and have been anxiously waiting to hear back and see if they approved my profile. I got the call just now that they loved me and are ready to get started. Because the woman is older they are using an experienced egg donor. She will be ready within the next 2 months for the transfer. HELLO!!!! Pregers in a matter of weeks.

Please pray for me, this couple and all of our families that the logistics would be smooth and that this process will be rewarding for us all. We should be meeting shortly. :)

Application, check. Records, check. LA, CHECK.

So, my journey began nearly 2 years ago. I was pregnant with our third baby, Halle, and a friend of mine unexpectedly lost her own little girl at 37 weeks. I was heartbroken as I raised our sweet daughter and watched her grieve for her own. A few months later I began to hear about surrogacy agencies. I filled out an application but because I lacked information I withdrew. Exactly one month ago yesterday I saw an advertisement online for "No Wait Surrogacy" and I knew this time I was informed and ready. I filled out my online application and within four days I received an e-mail saying I was approved. The next day I had a phone interview with Michelle (she is wonderful) and just like that I was on my way...All in one weeks time.

After our conversation it was up to me. I had to dig through my entire medical history and gather documents on any surgery, treatment or birth for pre-approval of Surrogacy insurance. I contacted all my physicians, signed release forms and waited. Within a week and a half I had all of the necessary documentation prepared and sent off. I was approved within a few days and Michelle and her team booked flights and a hotel for Shane and I to make our first trip out to LA.

What a whirlwind...While we were there I was psychologically screened by their professional and then I was sent to the Reproductive Specialist, Dr. Kolb. Everything was very straight forward...blood tests for Shane and I, a urine test from me and a trans vaginal Sono-gram to make sure these babies will take. That is where we are now. Waiting...

I am expecting to be fully cleared by the beginning of next week and have a profile of a couple in need in my inbox. Shane and I are thrilled and we both believe this is an amazing opportunity to show God's love to others. Until next week...