Life. Love. Surrogacy.: The girl who makes my world go round!

Please excuse this non-surro related post...but my baby is turning 4 tomorrow! I can remember like it was yesterday, beginning to feel the typical symptoms of impending labor. At this point in my life I was a stay at home mommy of 2 precious boys, Brennan 3 1/2 and Hudson 22 months. These two angels sat daily around my belly and talked to this miracle wiggling inside. Shane and I had completed the nursery decorations and I had ordered as well as received more pink that was really necessary. It was time for the completion of our family. I was so emotional as I had my first contractions..would this be the last time I give birth? I called Shane (he was at a meeting) and arranged a sitter for the boys and we were on our way to the hospital 1 1/2 hours away in Garden City, Kansas. Halle took her time but she came into this world virtually pain free in the presence of my doctor and 8 of the most horrified interns...this was an easy birth. I laughed her out, joked around at the awkwardness of my vagina having so many spectators. This pregnancy had been so uncomplicated and so had the delivery. Phew, the hard part was over...or so I thought.

That day I didn't expect Halle Eden to eat all that well but by midnight I was beginning to have the pangs of worry that any mother, new or experienced, at times feels. Halle was hungry but would not eat..I breastfed both of the boys and was set to nurse my baby girl but she was totally uninterested...we tried a bottle..nothing. The hospital looked the other way as my baby didn't eat, and assured me she would be fine. We were discharged after 24 hours and were on the way home when Halle began to root for food. I was completely helpless, i couldn't get her to eat at all. She was hungry but seemed too weak to suck and swallow and breathe. I had no medical training but i did have a mothers intuition..Something wasn't right...

That night after Halle slept for many hours, I woke her to feed and she turned away. She began to gasp for air and fight hard as she took breaths and I had a confirmation in my soul that she was ill. I drove her to Liberal (30 min away) and had her assessed by the ER doctor and the doctor smiled and said, "You're perfectly normal to worry every mom does..your baby is perfectly fine." I took Halle home (reluctantly) and held her to my breast the rest of the night just in case she did decide to eat. Early the next morning I took her to her primary care doctor for her 3 day evaluation and my doctor looked at me with a straight face as he said "So what are the doctors saying about her murmur?" her WHAT? It was then that many other doctors filled the room and told me that Halle most likely had a very large hole in her heart and we were told to go home and pack and get her to pediatric cardiologist the next morning.

We drove and cried and cried and drove some more..Would our daughter live through this? How was this not detected on ultra sound? Long story short, Halle did have a hole...make that 4 holes and she would need to evaluated every few months for a year. These holes were moderate but not life threatening so we were assured she would be fine. The next year of our life we struggled to feed Halle. She required syringe feeding until she was nearly 3 months old.

2 months with mommy

My angel grew and never required surgery but to me she will always be a survivor. She fought through every feeding to stay alive and I am so thankful she did. She is by no means easy..quite the opposite in fact. She challenges her mommy at every turn but she is worth it all. She is the absolute love and joy of my life. My heart leaps every time she wakes up in the morning and I nearly cry when she tells me she's so glad I am her mommy because we're best friends.

Thank you Halle for the four most adventurous years of my life. Thank you for completing my dream for a family and for being mommy and daddy's princess. You are the sweetest baby sister and your brothers love you. You are my heart forever!